Sneak peek: We hear a lot about what “good parenting” means. These tidbits normally deal with what we needs to be doing extra of (extra construction, extra steering, extra guidelines). However what if some facet of fine parenting entails doing much less?

In case you’ve been studying this weblog for some time, you understand that I’m a giant fan of podcasts. They’re a good way to spark new concepts. (Nicely, at the least many of the ones I take heed to; not the true crime ones 😉). 

The opposite day I used to be listening to one in every of my favourite podcasts, Hidden Mind. The visitor was speaking concerning the concept of gasoline and friction. I virtually turned it off as a result of I assumed it had nothing to do with subjects I’m curious about like good parenting, psychology or human conduct.

Seems, I used to be glad I stored listening. On the floor, the thought appeared to principally relate to advertising and marketing — how some corporations attempt to attraction to you to get you to purchase one thing by making the product look very interesting. They add all these emotional explanation why you can purchase it, and so forth and so forth.

What if “good parenting” appears to be like totally different?

The visitor speaker mentioned what typically corporations miss is the thought of friction — that a part of getting somebody to purchase one thing or do what you need them to do is to scale back the quantity of friction that’s impeding them from doing (or shopping for) it. 

This idea was actually fascinating to me as a result of it may possibly apply to so many various areas of life.

How can we method a difficulty or an issue? Will we attempt to gasoline it by giving it extra attraction, extra energy, and extra emotional resonance?

Or can we method it from a difficulty of decreasing friction? That’s, can we strive to remove any limitations which may impede somebody from doing the factor we wish them to do?

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That’s the principle concept: gasoline versus friction. Will we do extra to encourage somebody to do what we wish them to do or can we do much less and as an alternative deal with eradicating limitations?

How does this relate to parenting? After I was listening to the podcast, what stored coming to my thoughts again and again was this might apply to so many parenting conditions.

Take into consideration many of the parenting recommendation that you simply hear on the market — it’s all about gasoline.

How do I encourage my little one to do what I would like them to do?

– Set up a plan. Have reminders and routines in place to encourage your little one to do no matter you’re asking.

– Make it interesting. You can also make the factor that you simply’re attempting to get them to do extra interesting. You can also make it enjoyable or pleasurable.

Okay, all these issues could be good concepts, proper? Take into consideration attempting to encourage your little one to prepare on time within the morning and never dawdle. You would possibly put charts round the home to point out what order issues have to be achieved in otherwise you wake them up earlier in order that they have extra time to get issues achieved.

These issues can all work however what if we completely flipped the script? What if as an alternative of attempting so as to add gasoline, we simply diminished the friction?

What in the event that they laid all their clothes, backpack, and many others. out the night time earlier than? What if we even deliberate or made breakfast (collectively) the night time earlier than? That might actually scale back a number of friction as a result of there are such a lot of fewer choices to make.

Decreasing friction to encourage cooperation

There are numerous examples of this decreasing friction to encourage our youngsters to cooperate:

– Encouraging children to eat extra healthily. In case you’re like me, you end up on the retailer and you continue to purchase issues like goldfish crackers and granola bars and issues that you understand will not be the healthiest and people are all of the issues which might be sitting within the pantry. What if we simply give up shopping for these issues and as an alternative, after they come residence from college, an enormous tray of fruit and veggies was sitting out or the makings for a wholesome snack cheese and crackers or smoothies?

I do know this will likely sound all “pie within the sky” wishful pondering however I’ve seen variations in my selections in addition to my children’ selections after I merely don’t let sure meals enter the home.

– Encouraging children to learn extra (or in any respect!). I feel many people need our youngsters to learn extra. My children will hardly choose up a e-book voluntarily. However guess what? If I depart a e-book on the breakfast desk, 9 occasions out of 10 they’ll at the least open it and take a look at it, particularly if it has an fascinating cowl. Generally, that’s all it takes to get them began studying it.

In fact, this isn’t an ideal resolution to every little thing. However I’ve discovered myself discovering an increasing number of methods wherein I can simply attempt to scale back the friction as an alternative of attempting so as to add gasoline to get my children to cooperate. In case you strive it, let me know! I’d love to listen to your examples and tales.